Finding the Passion…

I haven’t written for the blog in a long time, or managed to do the challenge. I have finally mustered up the courage to write an entry.

I still haven’t done the challenge, and here is why.

Over the past few months, I have lost the passion for food. Sounds ridiculous that one can lose a passion for something that you need to survive everyday, but I have. I am small in build and have been underweight my entire life. A few years ago, I got the courage to join a gym and work out. I was still weighing too little, but my body started to change and I looked really healthy. But then I started to notice that no matter what, I would lose weight, and it would take me forever to pick it up again.

My week entails making sure I eat 3 solid meals a day with small healthy snacks between meals. I think about what my meals consist of, whether or not I get enough protein and healthy fats everyday. I never go to bed without eating something first. I exercise 2 to 3 times a week: low on cardiovascular, high on weights and toning.

Not many people think that this is something that should bring me down. Not many people understand. And because of this, I have been feeling alone and stupid for feeling unhappy and struggling with my weight. After all, in the modern world, the skinnier you are the better.

In the past year I have lost more weight than I ever have and am currently weighing the same as a small child. Losing weight, while working so hard to maintain a healthy lifestyle has really been tough on me. And I guess I just gave up.

Slowly but surely, I have found the courage to start again. I now snack more regularly between meals to keep my appetite going. I started watching food programs on TV, started reading recipes online and looked through my various cookbooks at home. I started cooking once in a while and slowly, the passion is returning. I can’t say it is back to normal, but it is a start.

I made some simple meals…some of which I have taken photos of to share. This is a Malay Mutton Curry which I made for Eid-ul-Fitr, the Muslim holiday after the month of fasting.

I also made a sweet-sour chicken recipe from my hero, Gordon Ramsay. I made two attempts at this recipe, because the first time, I was very unhappy with the result. The picture is of my first attempt. The second attempt was perfect!

I am still underweight…..very underweight. But I now have the belief and motivation that I can get my weight up again, and look healthy.

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3 responses to “Finding the Passion…

  1. Thank you Viviane and Magdalena for your support. It really means a lot and is a huge motivator for helping me continue the struggle.

    Magdalena…I dont think that it matters whether or not you struggle to lose or gain weight, the struggle is the same. We both want to be healthy and happy with the body we have. I think that is why you relate strongly to my situation. I am definitely going to check out the website you recommended! Please do keep in touch:)

    Viviane…seems Leb food is exactly what I need!!!! I really should come over:)

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  2. I think people underestimate how much power food has in our lives, after all it is not only something physical but emotional too. I can lose the passion for food when I am extremely under stress or under the weather. My love for food gets affected too. I have never been underweight though, always on the low normal and I can easily sink under if I stress. So I usually tend to force myself to eat even when appetite is not there.
    But you will be back to it, after all food can pick us up and make things better when we give it the chance to.
    Maybe you should visit Lebanon 😉
    Can’t wait to have you back on track…

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  3. Thank you so much for sharing this! Your post moved me… I’ve been struggling with carrying too much weight for many years, and yet I can see myself in what you’re writing… Are you interested in holistic approaches to health? I was trying to find balance for such a long time… still am… and ayurveda turned out to be what really helped me realize new perspectives, helped me change my habits for the better – especially by teaching me about the subtle aspects that dietists never were able to explain. One of my fav websites for simple and straight-forward info on eating healthy from an ayurvedic perspective is heymonicab.com

    Everything will be all right, don’t worry 🙂

    Best of luck and big hug to you, Zee!

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